we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
