Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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