you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Enjoy the penises
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize