sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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