dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
