I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
