hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
