Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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