You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Randomize
