You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
