Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
