That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
