then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
