Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
