she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
