Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
