now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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