I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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