it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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