If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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