Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
