it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
