About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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