I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
