it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
