she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
