I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
