Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
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I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
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Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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