We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
