Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
