somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
