dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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