I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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