I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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