Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
