the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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