All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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