doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
