Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
