If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
