Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have already put on my inside pants.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
