Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
