I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
