ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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