so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
