I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
