and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just had sex on a roof
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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