Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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