A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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