K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think I won the penis lottery.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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