just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
