That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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