Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
