He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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