why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
