How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
tell your sister to shave her snatch
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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