Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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