I'm gonna have a badass scar
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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