I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I accidentally had phone sex last night
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
