She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize