I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
