I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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