I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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