good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
