This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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