my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
