all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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