I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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