went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
