if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
