and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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