I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
