When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
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I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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