I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
