my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
