You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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