it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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