I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
