Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We named our party play list daddy issues
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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